A letter to my younger self – Aged 15

Hey kiddo!

How’s things?

Wow, you’re growing up fast. So tall!

I just thought I’d drop you a line to let you know some of the things I’ve discovered and to give you an idea of what’s ahead for you.

I know you’re trying to break out of the mould (US English = mold) and to find a way to define yourself and be your own person. Yeah, good luck with that, it’s gonna take a while buddy.

You’re making good progress though!

I love your taste in music. Sooo cool! Louis Armstrong’s Wonderful World, Mary Hopkin’s Those Were The Days, Love Affair’s Everlasting Love, The Casuals’ Jesamine, and not forgetting Isley Brothers’ This Old Heart Of Mine. It’s no secret that your love of Motown is going to stay with you for evahhhh!

What about those Beatles, eh? WHAT are they wearing these days?! Yeah, I know, if you had the money, right?

You’re doing your bit though. That holiday job you had that brought in £5 a week certainly helped fill the wardrobe. I loved that white shirt with the black and red paisley pattern on it. And how about the pink satin shirt with the flared cuffs? I found a picture of something similar here (but without the cuffs).

Ok, we both know where this heading. You know as well as I do that one of the reasons you could never take your eyes off of Mary Hopkin was because of the dresses she wore. It’s ok, I understand. And songs such as Jesamine? Yes, I know you feel deep inside that it’s being sung TO you and that YOU are Jesamine. Don’t fret now, and wipe those tears away.

There’s going to be something amazing happening next year, something that I’m sorry to say you won’t really be old enough to go to, even if you did have the money to get there.

There’s going to be an amazing event over in America, the biggest pop festival in history! That’s right! It’ll be called Woodstock and MAN you should see the things the girls will be wearing! You know that image you have in your head whenever you listen to Scott McKenzie and San Francisco? That and MORE!

How about going as the girl in the middle of these three? I know you’ll like the boots because you love fringes and tassles on things.

You really would be in your element there! Flowers in your hair, and those long legs of yours would sure get some attention from the menfolk. 😉

Ah, yes, now there’s another thing.

It’s confusing, isn’t it? There’s the side of you that says that thing between your legs is just dying to lead you to the first willing female, but at the same time you’re desperately hiding the fact that you’d literally bend over backwards (legs wide apart) if Clint Eastwood walked into the room.

And don’t forget I know that you had a severe case of the hots for that lad Paul at the holiday camp this year. You’d have loved to be his first, and he could certainly have been yours!

Sorry, you’re feeling ashamed at me saying that, I know. I can remember how difficult it was sometimes to fight those urges and not understand where they were coming from, but listen, I’ve made a discovery that will help you to make sense of it all.

There’s a word that describes you, and it’s not “bent”, “queer”, “faggot”, “poof” or any of those.

It’s “transgender”.

Not only that but you’re not the only person in this world who goes through the same confusion that you’re going through right now. There are millions of transgender people hiding out there in the world and, one day, they’ll all feel a lot more comfortable about being open and honest with people about how they feel.

Transgender means that you feel in yourself that the body you have doesn’t represent the way you see yourself as a person. You’re in a male body, but you know that you’re a girl. It works the other way round for some people too; girls who are really boys inside. Yeah, who’da thought?

Damn, I so wish I could have written this letter to you 52 years ago. Then I could have told you that there are ways that you can change your body so that it reflects more closely the way you feel you should look. There are even surgeries that can be performed to get rid of that annoying thing between your legs and turn it into the girly bits that should have been there.

I’ll write to you again in another ten years. In the meantime I know how close you’re going to get with your outward expression of your femininity, and I know the result. But more of that another time.

Keep those flowers in your hair babe!

*hugs*

You, aged 67